Sunday 11 December 2011

europa!



It was entertaining last week to see most European nations revert to type and play more or less exactly the roles they have cast themselves in over the last hundred years or so.

Of course, it could (and maybe should) be argued that the nation state itself is a thing of the past and that we would (and maybe will) be infinitely better off now abandoning the concept and embracing instead much larger organisational unions to handle continental and global issues while dealing with the comparatively banal day-to-day running of our communities at a regional and local level.

Except, this seems to go straight against the grain of the European psyche. If there is such a thing. And if there is such a thing, what is it? Who knows. But what we can observe looks something like this:

The Germans, having spent the entire second half of the 20th Century convincing everyone that they don't want to domineer everyone, shape Europe in their image and run it so it works, find themselves in a position where, if they want to shape Europe in their image and run it so it works, they really have to domineer everyone. Which is awkward, because they've just convinced everyone that they won't.

The French, having spent all of the 20th Century becoming almost completely irrelevant to the rest of the world but extraordinarily important to themselves, find themselves in a position where they realise that - although they tried to convince themselves and everyone else to the contrary - faced with domineering Germans they will effectively roll over and do whatever they're told. Which is awkward, because although they never really convinced anyone other than themselves that they wouldn't, it's still embarrassing when they do.

The Italians, having spent the second half of the 20th Century getting over the fact that they had put at their helm a preposterous buffoon whom they then unceremoniously ditched before entering an extended phase of administrative limbo, find themselves in a position where they've just had to unceremoniously ditch a preposterous buffoon and could now well be facing another phase of extended administrative limbo. Which would be awkward, if anyone cared.

The Austrians, having spent the first half of the 20th Century being sort of German but not really and the second half explaining to the world that they sort of weren't really German though in a way they were, find themselves in a position where they are sort of German, but not really. Which is just awkward.

The Spanish and the Portuguese, having spent the first half of the 20th Century creating and then the second half of it dealing and pretty much coming to terms with their own mess, find themselves in a position where they would like to and probably could be dealing with any new mess they may have created for themselves, by themselves, if only the Germans would let them. Which may be awkward if they don't.

The Greeks, having spent the last two and half thousand years enjoying the fact that they gave us civilisation, find themselves in a position where everybody suddenly blames them for giving them a crisis. Which is awkward in so far as both is at least partially true, but pointing out the latter feels rude.

The Dutch and the Other Two that make up Benelux, having spent the last seventy-odd years feeling increasingly chipper about practically everything and being universally loved (the Dutch) and largely ignored (the Other Two) respectively, find themselves in an unchanged position where everybody still loves (the Dutch) or largely ignores them (the Other Two). Which is only awkward if you bump into one and mistake them for another.

The former Eastern Bloc, having spent the last seventy-odd years and probably about the seventy-odd years before that in various constellations under some sort of imposed rule or totalitarian regime, find themselves in a position where they are just glad that that's all over now and happily take a bit of domineering from whoever manages to put some order into their affairs. Which is a little awkward for most, as that happens to be the Germans.

The Scandinavians, having spent their entire history being healthy, free-spirited and nordic, they are not going to change now, are they. So they find themselves in a position where they are just going to continue doing their own thing while being nice to anyone who buys their furniture and music. Awkward does not come into it.

The British are, you will note, on an island. They don't trust the Germans (except their cars), don't like the French (except their wine), don't respect the Italians (except their art, their food, their wine, their coffee and their lifestyle, and Tuscany, of course), don't pay much attention to the Spanish (not even when on holiday there), don't know much about the Portuguese (except that that's where Port comes from), don't view the Greek as contemporary (but relish the Classics), and don't care much about the rest (except the Dutch, whom they love, and the Polish, who are forever friends and really the best builders they've ever had). This is broadly the position they've always found themselves in and they're quite happy with it for the foreseeable future. Cheers.

(The Swiss. With a practically uninterrupted history of independence, democracy and neutrality, the Swiss neither are nor do they want to be part of the European Project. Which makes perfect sense, because sitting at the heart of Europe, on spectacular mountains, with a flourishing economy, a stable currency, and a train set that runs literally like clockwork, why on earth would they?...)

Oh, and the Irish! Well, having spent the first half of the 20th Century wrenching themselves free from British rule and the second half winning Eurovision song contests, they find themselves in a position where everybody simply adores them, if nothing else for their very fine stout...


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